Midwest Chick's Place

 Since shooting people in Chicago is no longer a prosecutable offense if the people involved are ‘mutual combatants’, the city of Chicago is going to try to leverage this for some much needed cash inflow.

In a super secret meeting, it was decided that since they’ve already cut down the legacy trees in Jackson Park to make way for the Obama Not-A-Library, that the land is going to be repurposed for a new combat arena to give mutual combatants a place to publicly air their differences, each combatant group choosing a representative for battle.  If it catches on, then Soldier Field will used for the same purpose, but with groups, rather than one-on-one fighting once the Bears move to Arlington Park.  

Fights will be to the death and combat will be a hand to hand format with two men entering and only one man leaving.  For the ‘team’ sports: the last man standing wins on behalf of what’s left of his team.

Kim Foxx is now wearing silver buns on her head and in private is referring to the mayor and her wife collectively as ‘Master Blaster’.  She has been heard singing the chorus to ‘We Don’t Need Another Hero’ with segues into ‘Tiny Dancer’ (apparently an homage to the previous mayor).  Her prosecutors are now calling offenders ‘Raggedy Men’.

They are hoping that the new ‘Thunderdomes’ will bring tourist money back into the city as well as take crime off of the streets.

(Please note that the above is satire and the fact that I have to say so is ridiculous.)